Memo to America: PLEASE Learn to Ignore Sex!

Americans have a hard time ignoring things. On the freeway, for example, any time there’s a car on the shoulder, everyone in front of me has to slow down and look. If there’s a tow-truck over there—wow, fascinating!—count on being an hour late for wherever you’re going.

TVs in public are another thing Americans can’t seem to ignore, no matter what they’re showing.

The hardest thing for Americans to ignore, however, is sex. And not just sex, but anything distantly or vaguely connected to sex. For people who don’t want to think about sex, but who can’t ignore things that remind them of sex, the world’s a hard place to navigate. Their solution is for everyone else to stop any behavior that makes them uncomfortable. For example:

* A Virginia high school student wearing a t-shirt with the lesbian pride symbol was told to cover it up or be disciplined. In supporting punishment, the assistant principal said because the complaining teacher is “very conservative” she found the t-shirt so upsetting that it “interfered with her ability to teach.”

* Oregon’s Udink family has had vanity license plates featuring their last name for seven years. A DMV language expert recently declared “Udink” a sexually suggestive expression (one I sure don’t know), and the DMV is demanding the plates back.

* In public buildings in California, Vermont, Washington, Tennessee, and in CIA headquarters, art that showed women’s uncovered breasts—even of Greek goddesses, or a historically accurate mural of Columbus’ landing, or a priceless Titian on loan—was challenged as creating a sexually hostile work environment, and was removed.

Of course, this is in addition to the nude beaches, adult bookstores, swing clubs, and phone- sex lines that are constantly being busted across the country.

Americans who are uncomfortable with sex have declared war on sex, trying to cleanse their visual and aural environment so they never, ever have to confront something that makes them uncomfortable.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I suggest you learn to use the off button on your TV remote, look at something else when you don’t like what’s in front of you, and stop craning your neck to see something that upsets you—so you can then complain about it.

Every 12-year-old learns to ignore the word “duty,” every college guy learns to walk to class despite the various breasts and butts that parade in front of him daily, and every adult learns to ignore the sounds that come out of the bathroom. It’s time that adults who are uncomfortable with sex felt responsible for ignoring it, and simply learned how to do so.

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Technorati: sexual freedom, sexual repression, censorship, sexual intelligence, sexual censorship, sexual politics, war on sex, America’s war on sex, sexual rights, sex education, pornography

Texas Taxes Tassled Titties

The Texas legislature needs a lesson in American government 101.

On January 1, the state will start taxing strip clubs $5 for every customer who shows up to watch some bare flesh. That’s bad enough, but the state plans to use most of the money it raises to help rape victims.

This is a shocking abuse of power, and a repulsive attempt to link two completely unrelated activities—strip club attendance and rape. There is no data anywhere that people who do one are more likely to do the other. Members of the legislature should be ashamed at their obvious pandering to the public’s emotions. Who’s going to say “I’m against helping rape victims”?

The 2007 bill was sponsored by State Representative Ellen Cohen (D-Houston). She is also the president of a women’s center that could receive financing from the new law. Her bizarre “reasoning” insults the intelligence of anyone within earshot: “This is an industry that largely employs women, and [the tax] gives them an opportunity to raise funds for a crime that affects women,” Cohen said.

Other industries that routinely employ mostly women include supermarkets, hospitals, and nail salons. Why not tax them extra, giving them the same “opportunity”?

The strip clubs are protesting based on a technicality of Texas’ tax structure rather than as an infringement of their right to free expression. Legal strategies that emphasize free expression are, sadly, not always popular with prudish juries or prejudiced judges.

But according to American law, legislators can’t single out activities they don’t like—such as nude dancing—and burden them with special taxes. Jonathan Turley, a constitutional law expert at George Washington University notes that “Laws like this would expose any unpopular industry to punitive taxes. It could be abortion clinics.” Or stores selling Western shirts to overweight non-cowboys.

While the Texans who want to tell everyone else how to live fume over the rights of those evil club owners, and everyone ignores the rights of the dancers who will lose their jobs because smaller clubs can’t pay the tax, what about the consumers?

Consumers of foreign cars yell loudly when the government tries to raise import duties, and consumers of Chinese products yell loudly when it’s revealed that they’re made with near-slave labor. What about strip club consumers? Where is their voice, as their recreation is smeared as a precursor to rape, and their clubs are slapped with vicious million-dollar tax bills?

Increasingly, if you want a lap dance, you have to be willing to stand up and demand your right to buy one. Of course, if you’re hiding your hobby from your wife, or your employer thinks your periodic private pleasure makes you unfit to work, you’ll be pretty slow to identify yourself and air your grievance.

And there’s the failure of democracy when it comes to sexual rights. The marketplace of ideas only works effectively when people can discuss things on a level playing field. The decency police who want to dictate the way everyone lives are counting on their victims feeling intimidated and silently bending over as their rights are removed.

Anatomically, you lose your lap when you stand up. Ironically, Texans will lose their lap dance if they don’t stand up.

Deluded puritans like Ellen Cohen expect that discouraging men from going to strip clubs will somehow discourage them from raping women. And what will men do with all that extra time? Undoubtedly, they’ll take up knitting and share their feelings more.

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Technorati: sexual freedom, sexual repression, censorship, sexual intelligence, sexual censorship, sexual politics, war on sex, America’s war on sex, sexual rights, sex education, pornography

What I Want for the Holidays

No, no ties or socks or chocolate (OK, chocolate’s always great).

What I’d like is for everyone to receive their basic sexual rights. Then, of course, I can have mine. This isn’t a complete list, but it’s a start:

* Free condoms
Every time someone uses a condom it benefits everyone, so let’s make them free. They should be available everywhere: gas stations, ATMs, the place you rent skis. In fact, there should be a dispenser in the wine/beer/booze section of every supermarket and 7-11. Government should supply the condoms, and require a dispenser if you want a license to sell alcohol.

While we’re at it, could we please start packaging condoms in non-slippery containers?

* Encourage the study of child porn & pedophilia
“Everyone” knows child porn is increasing, it’s horrible, it ruins lives, etc.—except that no one knows anything.

The government won’t let anyone study child porn. All we know is what “morality” groups scream at us, and phony numbers like “X number of children exploited and abused” (what does that mean?) and “Y number of children sexually solicited on the internet” (most of whom are teens, contacted by other teens).

People who make or use child porn can’t be studied because anyone who listens to them can be forced to disclose their identity and activities. So society is stuck with stereotypes like “all molesters look at child porn” and “everyone who looks at child porn is a molester”—both of which are obviously untrue.

The government should establish a license permitting individuals and institutions to possess and study “child porn.” A background check and project proposal would be required, along with a description of what will be accessed and for how long. Similarly, legitimate investigators should have immunity to study specified populations for specific projects.

Of course, fewer and fewer Americans actually believe, much less understand, science. But science is the only way to get the facts about this supposedly widespread phenomenon that frightens and angers so many people.

* Publish the criteria used in internet filtering software
The makers of filtering software claim the criteria for blocking sites is proprietary, like the formula for Coke.

But this blocking software is now a quasi-public utility, as libraries, schools, and government offices are increasingly required to use it. Corporate lawyers are seeing the software as good insurance, too.

So the public has a right to know—how does the software decide what to block? If it blocks breast cancer sites, youth soccer league sites (“boys under 14”), Middlesex County, and my blog, can we really say these sites “block porn”? More importantly, the media should stop saying that people against mandatory filters are “against protecting kids from porn.”

* End the legal concepts of “obscenity” and “indecency.”
Sex is not dangerous. Sexual words and images are not dangerous. Limiting access to these words and images doesn’t necessarily increase a community’s “morality,” just as expanding people’s access doesn’t necessarily decrease “morality.”

The idea that our local, state, and federal governments can actually prevent us from reading, hearing, or seeing certain words or pictures for any reason is actually staggering. Here are just some of the governmental agencies screening your life for “obscenity” or “indecency”:

~ Federal Communications Commission
~ Justice Department
~ Commerce Department
~ Customs Service
~ Department of Homeland Security
~ FBI
~ Department of Alcohol, Tobacco, & Firearms
~ state alcohol control commissions
~ city & county zoning commissions

I’ll tell you what’s obscene: people who would rather prevent me from watching South Park than use the “off” button on their TV remote. Darn those people.

* Sexual rights as human rights
Being able to take that for granted would be a wonderful, life-affirming gift. I hope you—and all of us—get this very, very soon. Happy Holidays.

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Technorati: sexual freedom, sexual repression, censorship, sexual intelligence, sexual censorship, sexual politics, war on sex, America’s war on sex, sexual rights, sex education, pornography

What I DON’T Want for the Holidays

Lots of people are busy making lists of what they want for the holidays. Let me tell you what I DON’T want for the holidays:

* “Funny” movies about accidental pregnancy.
Earlier this year it was Knocked Up. This weekend it will be Juno. I don’t care if these movies are funny, quirky, or well-made. Now that our government is officially pro-marriage and anti-contraception,
anything that excuses or normalizes unplanned pregnancy is unforgivable escapism or a political crime.

Being drunk is no excuse for “accidents”; we’re ALL drunk when it comes to sex.

* Endless “male-female” advice columns.
Do women really like going down on a man? How do men really feel about anal? What’s the best way to get a woman to do it with the lights on, or the best way to get a man to shut the lights?

I’ve answered questions like this for 30 years, but for those who’ve missed it, let me say so again: Unless you’re sleeping with ALL men or ALL women, it doesn’t matter what “men” or “women” feel or want. The only people whose sexual tastes should matter to you are the people you’re with. If you want to know what someone wants or how they feel, don’t ask a columnist, don’t read a book, don’t check a blog. Ask the world’s expert—that person.

* Rights for clumps of cells.
The government of the most complex, richest democracy in the history of the world now sits around debating how many rights to give embryos, stem cells, and fertilized eggs. All of these are smaller than the period at the end of this sentence, and none of them can feel, think, or root for the Boston Red Sox.

Giving these microscopic specks rights—especially rights that change the course of actual people’s lives—is an insult to science, thought, spirituality, and common human decency. There’s a place for people obsessed with the rights of things that aren’t alive. It’s called the Dark Ages.

I love holiday gifts, but please do not empower my sperm. We currently get along just fine, and I don’t want them getting uppity.

* Treating our children like they’re psychopaths or retards
What else can we call it when politicians and “morality” groups say our kids must be protected from sexual words and images at all costs? Apparently, people like Laura Bush and the Parents Television Council believe our kids are either brain-damaged, or spring-loaded sex maniacs, who will flip out if exposed to triggers like Janet Jackson’s breast or magic syllables with the letter “k.”

The latest “problem” we apparently need to get hysterical about is kids seeing “inappropriate” things in airplane movies—you know, the already-censored almost-movies shown on tiny screens on the other side of someone’s big head. North Carolina Congressmembers Heath Shuler and Walter Jones are sponsoring the Family-Friendly Flights Act, which purports to shield impressionable eyeballs from the searing scenes shown on airplanes every day.

I wouldn’t mind this bill if the scenes it attempted to control were of tormented knees, sinuses, and stomachs, which are now standard on every flight.
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So is there anything I would actually LIKE for the holidays? I’ll tell you tomorrow.

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Technorati: sexual freedom, sexual repression, censorship, sexual intelligence, sexual censorship, sexual politics, war on sex, America’s war on sex, sexual rights, sex education, pornography

Quoted & Reviewed!

You may know that popular blogger Andrew Sullivan recently left Time for the Atlantic Monthly, one of my favorite magazines in the whole world.

I’m pleased to say that Andrew’s column, The Daily Dish, excerpted my current book for his quote of the day on December 14. It’s linked to a rave review of the book by David Farthing.

I don’t agree with everything the conservative Sullivan says. But he’s a real conservative—that is, a libertarian—and so he and I agree about many things, particularly about the need for government to keep out of people’s private affairs.

If the review so moves you, buy a copy here and get 10% off by using discount code SI10.

Thanks, Andrew, and thanks, David.

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Technorati: sexual freedom, sexual repression, censorship, sexual intelligence, sexual censorship, sexual politics, war on sex, America’s war on sex, sexual rights, sex education, pornography

Male & Female In India

Today’s the last day of my 3-week trip to India (click here to see my travel blog), so here are some observations on gender and male-female relations.

* First, it really matters which India we’re talking about—Muslim, Sikh, Kerala, tribal, etc.. For example, most women here in the south are so liberated, even Catholics use birth control; in Orissa, by contrast, a friendly adolescent girl said I couldn’t take her photo because “my husband wouldn’t like it.”

* Regardless of location, though, India remains a sexually conservative country. Clothes don’t reveal women’s bodies. This seems normal after just a short while here, and then any Western woman wearing a revealing top or exposing her legs looks dramatically provocative.

* Couples simply do not hold hands in public. This is made even more obvious by the fact that women hold hands with their girl pals/cousins, and men hold hands with their male chums/cousins. One never sees couples of any age kissing or even nuzzling.

* In America, all women wear jewelry, although real gold is reserved for the well-off. Here, even the poorest woman wears gold earrings &/or bracelet every day of her life. Her home may lack hot water, her village may lack reliable electricity, she may be washing her few clothes in the river, but she wears gold while she’s doing it. It’s a matter of family honor. In some areas the custom is silver rather than gold, but it’s real, beautiful silver jewelry.

* The families of girls and young women still pay dowries to the family of the man she is marrying. Sometimes dowries have to be borrowed, which can set back a girl’s family for years. And sometimes, the groom’s family demands a second dowry payment a year after the couple is already married. Imagine the problems that creates for everyone.

* Most marriages here are arranged or semi-arranged. Newspapers are full of ads looking for suitable marriage partners. Unlike in the U.S., the looks and social class of both parties are explicitly discussed.

* Little moments: it’s funny (albeit sensible) to see able-bodied men walking with open umbrellas in the blazing sun; it’s amazing to see women, young and old, working road construction (shoveling gravel, carrying bricks, etc.)—while wearing full-length saris.

* The saris are, in fact, beautiful—colorful, flowing, absolutely nothing like western clothes. And young women wear them as much as their mothers and grandmothers–they’re not in any way considered “old-fashioned.”

But they certainly limit mobility and a whole range of physical movements. You simply cannot effectively run in one. In this respect saris are like the bustles, corsets, and other complex dress of Western women until just a few decades ago. In America’s wild west films, the primary symbol of independence for women is pants.

* As in Islam, Christianity, and Orthodox Judaism, Hindu religious duties—which is to say, Hindu religious privileges–are segregated by gender.

* Aborting female fetuses because they will become girls is actually increasing here, as gender identification technology becomes cheaper and more available. This has enormous ramifications for many parts of society, including marriage, economics, and arrangements for the aging. Everyone decries it, and it’s even against the law. But how do you criminalize technology in a capitalist, democratic country?

In America, religious people have criminalized technologies like stem-cell research and abortion in an attempt to impose their moral vision on others, or to create “a more moral society”—both clearly unacceptable in a democracy.

But in India, criminalizing gender testing and gender-oriented abortion is based on avoiding a scientifically demonstrable problem—which makes it a more complicated issue. Still, it’s troubling to criminalize technology for any reason. And it opens the door to banning other troublesome technologies, including, say, chemical food preservatives, the distilling of alcohol, and of course boom boxes that play any music that I don’t like.

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Technorati: sexual freedom, sexual repression, sexual intelligence, sexual politics, sexual rights

India’s Ancient Erotic Sculpture

I’m still in India, now in coastal Orissa state.

Today we went to a world-famous 1,000-year-old Hindu temple. It was enormous, gorgeous, spectacular. Every inch of the stone exterior was carved with scenes from local and palace life from 10 centuries ago.

And so today’s visitor sees wonderfully-preserved scenes of battles, animals, musicians, families…and sex. Lots of sex, in just about every position. Same-gender sex, threesomes, group sex, oral sex–you get the picture.

Well, perhaps not. Here, sitting in a park, is this display of explicit erotic behavior bigger than the Lincoln Memorial. And people from across the country come to see it–many, of course, with their families.

And this isn’t the only temple like it. We saw a different, smaller version a few days ago in Chhattisgarh. You celebrate life, you celebrate sex–that’s the way it was here a thousand years ago.

It’s not like that here anymore, of course. Sexually, India is quite conservative on the usual measures, such as contraception, sex ed, and pornography (legally, you can’t even show pubic hair). Even modern women here dress modestly, and while TV and videos do feature a sly, sexy tease, you certainly won’t find the bare breasts of German TV or the coarse sexual lyrics of American music videos.

Where India does differ from the U.S. is in allowing–actually encouraging–public access to monuments like this across the country. At one site we even ran into a gaggle of soldiers on leave, praying in a still-active temple that depicted fellatio and other sexual delights carved on its outer walls. Ironically, many of them had probably never seen an actual, fully-nude woman in their own bed.

Honorable mention goes to the Victorian-era Brits. Thanks for not destroying the temples depicting erotic themes onto which you stumbled 100 years ago, despite your disapproval of them. The Taliban, the Vatican, and Morality In Media should take note.